Please Note These Articles are meant for information purposes only and are not a substitute for Medical or Psychological treatment.

How your thinking affects your stress.

Imagine that you are on your way to an important meeting and are lost. In a hurry you call to someone on the opposite side of the road to ask for directions. They fail to answer you. In a louder voice and with your emotions rising you ask again, still no reply. Now feeling angry you tell him to forget it and continue on your way.  While looking for someone else to ask you think to yourself, “ If I had more time I would give that man a peace of my mind.”  Later on you are having lunch in the restaurant where the meeting is being held. There is a tap on your shoulder, as you turn around you see the man who ignored you earlier in the day. He apologises for seeming to ignore you but explains that he is hard of hearing. What happens to your anger now? Do you still consider him to be rude? Now you have more time are you still going to give him a peace of your mind? The likelihood is that your feelings would probably change. Instead of anger you might feel embarrassment possibly even guilt. From this example it can be seen that people can have different feelings about a situation when they view it from a different perspective. Let us think back to the traffic jam example. You will remember that some of the drivers were becoming very angry sounding their car horns and shouting at the traffic. Most people would conclude that the reason for their anger was due to being stuck in the traffic. To a large extent this makes sense, there are not many people who like being kept waiting. However this fails to explain why other drivers faced with exactly the same situation remained calm. To explain the differences in the drivers’ attitudes and reactions we are going to look at a model of emotional upset first described by the American psychologist Dr Albert Ellis the pioneer of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. He calls this the A.B.C model. A, is known as the activating event, meaning any potentially stressful situation. B, Stands for beliefs, these are a persons thoughts and attitudes about (A), and finally C stands for the consequence meaning a persons feelings and actions.

A. Event
The potently stressful situation.

B. Beliefs
A persons thoughts and attitudes about A.

C. Consequence
A persons feelings and actions.

The theory behind the A.B.C model of emotional upset is simple. Feelings are caused more by our thoughts about events than by the events themselves. According to the A.B.C model it was not being stuck in the traffic jam that was responsible for the drivers different feelings, but the way they were thinking about the situation.

A driver remaining calm was probably thinking:

“This is a nuisance but not the end of the world.”

“There is not a lot I can do so I shall have to grim and bare it”.

“I might as well sit back and make the best of things”

A driver getting angry was probably thinking:

“This traffic must move right now. It is just awful. I can’t stand it any longer”.

In the A.B.C. format it looks like this.

A. Event
Driver stuck in traffic.

B. Beliefs
“This traffic must move right now”

“It is just awful”

“I can’t stand it any longer.”

C. Consequence
Anger. Shouting at the traffic and sounding car horn.

The above beliefs are an example of what Dr Albert Ellis has called irrational thinking and would lead anyone who thought in this way to become angry. Many people would question the idea that the above set of beliefs could be called irrational. Given the circumstances of being stuck in traffic wouldn’t any one think in this way? This is a good question; in order to answer it we need to take a close look at the make up of irrational thinking.

What makes thinking irrational?

The characteristics of irrational beliefs are,

1. They are unrealistic.
2. They are ridged.
3. They blow events way out of proportion.
4. They lead to unhealthy feelings that course distress.

When a person is holding an irrational belief they are demanding that events and circumstances be different from the way they actually are by using words such as must and should.

E.g. “ I must do well”

        “You should treat me well”

        “Life must go the way I demand”

It is not the words in themselves, but the attitude behind the words that course the problem.

People can also exaggerate the badness of events by using such words as awful and terrible.

E.g. “Its awful”

       “ Its terrible”

       “ I can’t stand it”

Whenever a person thinks in this unhelpful way they will experience emotional pain such as anger, anxiety, guilt and depression. This inevitably will lead to distress.                             

In the traffic jam example the driver is holding the ridged belief “ The traffic must move now”. In reality will demanding that the traffic must move now help to move it on? Secondly he is exaggerating the badness of the event by describing it as awful. It is certainly annoying to be held up in traffic but can it truly be described as awful? Finally, why can’t he stand it? In reality people can stand almost anything.

How to change irrational thinking

Irrational thinking leads to unhealthy feelings and actions. In order to change those feelings and actions we need to challenge our thinking by adding D to our A.B.C. model. D stands for disputing and means that we vigorously question the validity of our irrational beliefs. We do this by asking a number of questions.

• What is the Evidence for my Must/Should?

E.g. why must the traffic move now?

• Why is it terrible?
• Why is it awful?
• Why can’t I stand it?

 The following example will illustrate how to challenge irrational beliefs.

Jenny is a secretary who recently lost her job at an advertising company. When she came to see me for counselling she was feeling depressed and felt it was not worth looking for new employment. At B, Jenny was thinking

“I should not have lost my Job”” I can’t stand lt.” “ I am totally incompetent? I will never get another job like that one again.”

A Event
Jenny loses her job.

B Beliefs
“I should not have lost my job”

“I can’t stand it!”

“I am totally incompetent.”

“I will never get another job like that one again”

C. Consequence.
Feeling depressed and unable to look for a new job.

After Jenny talked the situation though with me she was able to see that her depression had more to do with her irrational thinking than the job loss itself. In particular she was doing a first class job at running herself down. Once she was aware of this Jenny was ready to challenge her irrational beliefs. This is how she did it.

D. Why should I have not lost my job?
Although I would have strongly preferred not to have lost my job there is no law that states I should not have lost it.

D. Why can’t I stand losing my job?
Well in reality I can stand losing my job.. I have faced difficult situations before and coped .I can cope withthis one too.

D. What evidence exists that I am totally incompetent?
No evidence exists for this idea. I have made a number of mistakes at this job but that doesn’t prove that I am totally flawed - just human. I have done well in past jobs and I can do well again.

D. What evidence exists that I will never get another job?
There is no evidence; I am a competent woman with a lot of skills and work experience to offer. I have found other jobs before and I can do so again.

Rational beliefs

The characteristics of rational beliefs are,

1. They are realistic.
2. They are flexible.
3. They do not blow events out of proportion.
4. They lead to healthy appropriate feelings.

Challenging irrational beliefs helps a person to form rational beliefs and change the way they feel about an event. By disputing her ideas about the Job loss Jenny was able to change her demand that she should not have lost her job into a healthy preference for not losing it. Being unemployed was a setback but by reminding herself that she had a lot of skills to offer Jenny was able to see that the situation was not awful. She had been in similar situations before and she could find another job again. Jenny was now ready to add E. which stands for Effective new thinking. It looked like this. “Although I would have strongly preferred not to have lost my job I did. I have faced difficult situations before and coped, .I can cope again. I have made a number of mistakes at this job but that does not make me flawed - just human. I have done well in the past and I can do well again.”

After changing her thinking Jenny felt sad but no longer depressed. To feel sadness after a job loss is healthy. It would be unrealistic to expect her to feel over the moon given the circumstances. Depression on the other hand is an unhealthy emotion and is often an indication that a person is thinking in an irrational way.

Self-help form

A useful way to reduce your distress is to use a self-help form to identify, challenge and then change your irrational thinking. The first thing to do when you are feeling distress is to stop what you are doing and take a reading with your stress gage. Then take three slow deep breaths, get a sheet of paper and a pen and at the top of the page write

A. The event

• Here you describe the situation try and be specific.

B. Irrational beliefs

• Identify and write down your irrational beliefs about the event. Remember, irrational beliefs are ridged and contain words such as should and must.   E.G. Things must go the way I demand.  They exaggerate the badness of an event turning a nuisance into a horror. Its awful/terrible I cant stand it.

C. Consequences.

• Write down how you felt and acted in relation to the event.

D.Disputing

• Vigorously question the validity of your irrational beliefs by asking the questions contained on page four.

E. Effective new thinking

• Write down your new rational beliefs.

F. New feelings and actions

• Write down how you now feel and act.

Take another reading with the stress guage and feel the difference.

Jim a forty-year-old businessman consulted me because of work stress. One particular stress trigger was his business partner David’s quirky sense of humour. At meetings with clients or staff David would frequently make wisecracks. This would anger Jim and often lead to disagreement and arguments. Jim told me that over the past two years he had tried a number of strategies to try and get David to express himself in a different manner. This had lead nowhere. He stated that he wanted to look at more effective ways of communicating the problem to David and see if that might improve matters. I agreed that this was a good idea but thought that we first help Jim reduce his anger about David’s behaviour. Jim could see that by remaining calm he would be in a better frame of mind to talk the problem through with David.

Hear is an example of how Jim used a self-help form.

A. The event.

• A meeting with clients in which David’s presentation is full of wisecracks.

B. Irrational beliefs.

• “David must be more serious”
•  “He is an irresponsible and awful person”
• “I can’t stand his wisecracks”

C. Consequences.

• Anger that lead to an argument.

D. Disputing.

• Why must David be more serious?

There is no law that states that he must be more serious. However I would strongly prefer that hewas.

• What evidence exists that he is irresponsible and an awful person?

None. He might have a peculiar sense of humour; but that does not make him irresponsible.

• Why can’t I stand his wisecracking manner

Actually I have stood it for the past two years.  It’s a nuisance but hardly life threatening.

E. Effective new thinking.

I would prefer that David addressed meetings without all these cracks but he doesn’t have to. Hemight have a strange way of expressing himself but that hardly makes him an irresponsibleperson. It’s a nuisance that he conducts himself at meetings in this way - but I can stand it.

F. New feelings and actions.

Feeling mildly annoyed, but not as angry.  Believe I can talk to him about the problem in a constructive way.

Before Jim filled in the self-help form his stress gage felt as high as 70, afterwards it felt more like 50, which was a moderate improvement. However, by repeating his effective new thinking silently several times during the day he reduced it to 30 - a big improvement.

You may be thinking; is it really that easy? Do I only have to identify and change my irrationalthinking in order to reduce my stress? The process of filling in a self-help form is indeed quite easy. With some practice you will soon get the hang of it. Changing the way you feel will take a little longer and to quote Dr Ellis requires “ Work and practice” You may have to go over your new thinking several times like Jim did. Take into account that when under stress most people have difficulty thinking rationally. You have probably been thinking in irrational ways for a long time. However by putting in the effort and practice you will soon find yourself getting less upset.

This article is an excerpt from my book identifying understanding and solutions to stress published by Caxton Editions.